ugly rant

Well hello everyone (psh not that I have reader, but okay, hello everyone). So, yeah it's 2016, and like usual I'm gonna post something at the very beginning of the year but ditching this blog again for the rest of the year, sorry, forgive me, but okay.... I'll try writing on this blog more often (3 posts a year won't hurt, Riza, so try it okay, Riza?)

2015 was........ I don't know? Weird? But it's kinda wonderful, honestly.

For the very first time, I got to be a secretary (I'm graduating from doc/design div, I'm so happy you, don't know) and it was okay, I guess? You see, I love editing stuffs but I'm not good enough. I love photoshop, I love editing, but who am I srsly? I'm not a designer, I'm not a design major for god's sake I'm a freaking IS student. My edits are mostly so so, and I got tired. I'm just not good enough.

I felt (nuh actually feel) like Tsukuru Tazaki. I feel colorless, I don't have my own color. Am I transparent, I don't know. Am I in one of the spectrum of colors? I do want to know about that. 

I always feel like I don't really have a useful skill. Okay, yeah I have skills. But, I'm not really excel at all of them... I'm not the champion, not the winner at the end of the day. 

Last year I started working on my thesis, and it was hard, I'm not fuckin ready for it. But at the end , every college students will face the savageness of writing thesis, it's still hard but I'm trying to cope with it. 

Oh and today is the last day of sembreak, which mean tomorrow, thesis will starts haunting my life again. Sigh, I had such a nice long break, okay not that long but it was fun. I didn't go home for this sembreak, and didn't go to jkt either. I stayed in my room, sleeping, watching, reading. Yeah, I'm an introvert. I invested my time scrolling through twitter, tweeting etc etc.

I met a lot of people on twitter last year, and hell yeah they're fun. It's always nice, meeting people on the same wave length. I got to show everyone my inner fujoshi (yes I still am a fujoshi, it's been years). 

You might think I only love yaoi shits bcs I'm a fujoshi but you're freakin wrong. I love boys love, so much, because I found it's natural and normal. But okay, ppl have a different degree of normalcy, cool. I never called myself a woke person but you can call me an open minded person. I'm okay with same love, it's not wrong. I'm writing this a straight girl, okay. 

I live in a weird environment, where racist, sexist, colorist jokes are okay. And it's fuckin disgusting. And the bigotry is no joke. Why are people so judgmental? Being different is not wrong, though?

Wow, this post is so angsty, lol okay I'm gonna try to continue writing it and hopefully it won't end as angsty as it seems now.

Last year I was like 'huh, I'm gonna try writing smut scene this year' but well, I didn't manage to do it (though, I actually wrote a masturbation scene? but meh). So, several days ago, I gave my friend a present (which is a slash and ofc with a smut scene). Writing is fun, you know? But my vocabulary sucks. So bad. I still need to read a lot, I guess. But hey, I was having so much fun writing erotica, it was like 'WOW what is this I felt pump, what should I do next' man, it was thrilling. 

bleeeegh Idk how to end this post. btw, pardon my grammar, and I'm not gonna proofread it. So.

I guess??? That's all I want to share for now??? ergh okay, bye for now.